Married 11 years. This is
my one and only love. He
proposed to me on a
playground. This was the
man who taught me the
meaning of love. We were a
part of what God truly
meant to be as husband
and wife. My best friend, an
aura of comfort as I held
him in my arms. Every
physical and spiritual
fulfillment in a man I ever
wanted. Not once did I want
anyone else. No one could
take his place.
We were to renew our
vows. I practiced for
months, my new vows-I
would repeat them in the
car, or in the grocery store
silently. I could not wait to
begin our next years with
good histories, and good
hearts. To show him in
renewed vows how over
many years, ups and
downs, I held solid in my
devotion.
And then promises were
broken.
At first I focused mainly on
how I couldn't even breathe
without him. A pattern of
hurtful words, plans never
made and even an affair. I
endured pulling him back
from someone else's arms,
his eyes so sincere with
lies, his words so very
melodical and spellbinding. I
listened believing every
word he said. I crushed
every time he entered a
room. I could not see or
believe what was going on.
No Christmas presents, no
birthday presents, no
anniversary plans carried
through, talking to me like I
was a stranger, a list too
long to share.
I often asked myself, 'What
did I do?' or 'Why did he do
this?' It took a while for me
to figure this out. He had
changed. I did not change.
My love was still strong. I
could battle all external
things, but not the man
himself.
His last promise he made
was that he was going to
come back to me and we
would live together always,
never to be apart, grow old
together. He told me he
cried when he thought of
what a mistake it was he
said by telling me goodbye
two days after Christmas.
Then just weeks ago he
tells me that his job has
become more important and
he knows I have a job that
I finally have after years of
looking. When a man picks
a job over his wife...well it's
time to leave. But that's not
the worst promise broken.
The one thing I asked him
not to break was that I
asked him not to put me
through any more pain.
This was my final outcome.
I took the final step and
decided to walk away. I am
ready now. He has lost the
one thing he should have
never let go of. I think I
deserve better. I am the
one who has no guilt, or
remorse. And it takes my
own strength to break the
chains I put on myself by
loving a man and forgetting
to respect myself.
There is strength in the
power of goodbye, it all
begins with courage.